Why most New Year resolutions fail – and the one question we rarely ask
Every January, many of us do the same thing. We set resolutions. We promise ourselves this will be the year.
Better habits. Better health. More discipline.
And yet… most of us already know how this usually ends. Research shows that around 80% of New Year resolutions are dropped by mid-February.
Not because people are lazy. Not because they don’t want it badly enough.
But because something important is missing.
I want to share a perspective that sounds simple, but is often overlooked - and it might be the missing piece when it comes to actually sticking to what we intend to do. I’ll share an example from my own experience with exercise.
Why habits don’t stick (and what we often miss)
There are many reasons why habits don’t stick. I won’t go into all of them in detail here, but some of the big ones are familiar:
Our goals are too ambitious or too vague
We try to change too much at once
We go all in from the start and burn out
We focus on results, not on simple systems that support us
We lose motivation when results don’t come fast enough
We don’t have a plan for days when energy or motivation drops
And very often, our goals come from “shoulds” - not from what we truly want
When all of this is in play, we usually end up relying on motivation, willpower, and discipline to keep going. At first, that can work.
But over time, it starts to feel like effort - like pushing, grinding, forcing yourself. And that’s rarely sustainable. Eventually, things start to fall apart, and we stop.
So what do we do instead?
Stop forcing. Start aligning.
When we start a new habit, we often skip asking important questions:
What do I actually want right now?
What would feel good in my body?
Not what I should want. Not what others expect from me. Not what looks good on paper. Not what my ambition or ego is chasing.
And the easiest way to answer that question is by listening to your body.
Because the body never lies.
We’re actually very good at this when it comes to basic physical needs:
If you’re hungry, you eat.
If you’re cold, you put on a sweater.
If you’re tired, you rest.
Those signals are clear. We don’t argue with them.
But when it comes to areas where the mind has a lot of opinions - habits, movement, work, relationships, fulfillment - we often ignore those signals. We override and push through.
That disconnect - between what we’re doing and what our body is actually asking for - is often why habits start to fall apart.
My own example (and a simple realization)
In my 20s and 30s, I loved working out.
I went to the gym 3 to 5 times a week. I did long 50 km bike rides. Lots of people around. Loud, energizing music.
I genuinely loved it - how it felt in my body, how it boosted my energy, how it made me feel.
I didn’t need much convincing to show up. Sure, some days took a little push, but overall, it was enjoyable and easy to stick with.
Then COVID happened, and it overlapped with my maternity leave.
My routine and consistency disappeared. And since then, getting back into a regular practice has been… a struggle.
So I did what I knew how to do.
I tried intense, hour-long home workouts with online instructors. I dreaded them. Dropped off.
Maybe it was too ambitious? So I switched to short, 10-minute body-weight workouts to make it easier. Still felt like a chore.
I thought maybe I needed accountability, so I hired a trainer and went back to the gym. I did it for months and never truly enjoyed it.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on why.
The part I didn’t see
Like many women, I was focused on doing what’s recommended as we age.
Lift heavier. Work harder. Increase intensity. Protect muscle mass.
All good advice - in theory.
But during this same period, I was also changing in other ways. I’d been diving deeper into mindset work, psychology, and meditation - learning how we rewire old patterns, observe ourselves more clearly, and respond rather than react.
That kind of work requires stillness, mindfulness, silence, and time alone with our thoughts.
Calming my nervous system and reconnecting with my inner self started to matter more than ever. Anything I added to my day needed to support that.
And one night, after a meditation (yes, it really does help you see simple things more clearly), it clicked!
Everything I was trying - loud music, lots of people, constant stimulation - was doing the opposite of what I needed.
It wasn’t about exercise itself. It was about alignment - with my needs, my values, my body’s signals.
I wasn’t failing at consistency. I was just pushing in the wrong direction.
My body was telling me the truth the whole time. I just wasn’t listening - because we’re taught that everything worth having must come through effort, struggle, and grind.
But what if that’s not always true?
I’m not saying avoid hard things. I am saying avoid doing things that don’t make you happy - because they will always feel hard.
If we want to build habits that last, alignment and joy matter.
Movement doesn’t look the same for everyone
Exercise and movement can take many forms:
High-intensity movement
Mind–body practices
Outdoor or everyday movement
Expressive or gentle movement
There is no one-size-fits-all answer. We’re all at different stages of life. Our needs change - and so should our habits.
And it doesn’t mean one option is easier than another. They can all be hard. But when you find your hard, it won’t feel as hard - because you’re in alignment.
The question isn’t: What should I be doing?
It’s: What feels right for me right now?
Alignment isn’t about choosing what’s easiest or what feels good in the moment. It’s about choosing what truly fits you at this stage of your life - even when it’s challenging - without inner resistance.
Once I allowed myself to really ask that question, the answer was obvious.
I needed yoga - but not just any yoga. Not fitness yoga with bright studios and chatter, purely for exercise that I did in the past.
I needed depth. Breath. Slowness. Silence. Mindfulness.
And I found it - with the help of a good friend.
I signed up with an amazing studio: a dark, heated room lit with candles, no speaking, calm, thoughtfully curated music, breathwork, amazing teachers explaining the philosophy of yoga.
Every class feels like a guided journey of self-inquiry - body movement as meditation, turning attention inward. A thoughtful, grounded community where people show up as they are.
I don’t dread exercise anymore. I don’t negotiate with myself. I genuinely look forward to it - and that makes a huge difference.
Does it mean it’s easy? No. There is still hard work.
But it doesn’t feel like grind, because I’m not fighting my body - I’m working with it.
What’s funny is that I now have more energy for movement throughout the day - stretching, squats while brushing my teeth, etc.
This is the simple truth:
When you don’t push against your nature, your body gives you more energy.
When you ignore your body cues, intuition, and that quiet inner voice, energy gets drained - leading to low motivation, procrastination, and burnout over time. And this isn’t just about exercise!
A gentle invitation
So here’s my invitation to you: When you look at your new habits and resolutions, ask yourself two questions:
1. Why am I doing what I am doing? Is it expectation? Obligation? A “should”? Or is it something that genuinely excites you - something you really want and need?
When the WHY is clear and deeply personal, behaviour can change quickly. Without it, even the best intentions turn into something you feel you “have to” do - not something you choose – and it will be hard to sustain.
2. How does it make me feel? Happy? More joy? More energy? Better sleep? More calm? Peace of mind? Or heavy, draining, resistant?
When your body consistently feels low on energy around certain parts of your life - work, relationships, or how you spend your time - it can be a gentle invitation to pause and listen, reminding us that habits tend to last not only through effort, but also through more honesty about what we truly need.
_______________
If you’re new to my world and this content resonates:
👋 Follow for practical tips to stay energized, focused and in control of your time.
📩 Subscribe to my newsletter: https://lnkd.in/gcBuqDan
🧭 Download my free PEACE framework self-assessment tool to check your energy levels: https://lnkd.in/gxUSPjse
♻️ Share with someone who might benefit!
